We all know how that saying ends, right? Well, I got a lemon, but instead I made a lemon pound cake! Life threw me a curveball this month when I learned I was having surgery requiring more time off my feet than I have enjoyed since the birth of my kids. That’s 12 years of go-go-go, and the prospect of all that “leisure” time looming on the horizon was a bit intimidating. Don’t get me wrong, the chance to live at a slower pace (with a lot more sleep!) than what I’m used to is exciting. But what to DO?? If I can’t lift, can’t exercise and basically can’t do anything I usually fill my days with, what’s left? Netflix is great and all, but that’s not exactly a life… The solution for me? Time to WRITE! And learn to cook from a seated position.
Luckily I had a few weeks advance notice to allow me to get cooking, literally and figuratively. I knocked out seven new recipes so I would have something to write about, and to eat while I’m down! Let’s start with that aforementioned lemon cake, shall we? True confession: I am the worst pot-luck attendee. “How can that be??”, you might ask, when clearly I love to cook and share food. The problem is simply that I panic! I have so many new recipes to try, sheer idea-overload. And then I overthink it; should I bring an old favorite, or make something we’ve never eaten? Should I make it seasonal or holiday-themed, perhaps from one of my multitudinius magazines, websites, or cooking shows? Dare I risk new flavors or techniques I’ve never attempted, or stick to the tried-and-true deviled eggs I know are always a hit? I’m ashamed to say that in defeat I have picked up a bag of chips and dip more times than I care to admit. But not this time! For once I planned ahead, preparing my treat before I went to the hospital, one that would keep in its container for a couple days. Jo’s Lemon Bundt Cake was the perfect solution! She doesn’t call it a “pound cake” per se, but I can assure you it weighed several pounds. Still, a dense cake full of butter and sugar holds its moisture well when kept under cover, and my daughter made the glaze the day of the event to prevent “soggage”. I am always surprised by how little lemon actually goes into a lemon cake. The color is largely a product of the butter and egg yolks, and only the zest from two lemons is in the batter. The real citrus kick comes from the couple tablespoons of fresh squeezed juice used for the powdered sugar icing. As always, don’t be cheap; if you are getting your lemon juice from a bottle, it will not taste as good! This recipe took all-around high marks from the poker party, so if you are looking for your next pot-luck dessert, consider it found!
Now that you know my secret shame of bringing store-bought treats to parties, I feel Pandora’s Box has been opened, so while I’m at it, let me spill another closely-guarded secret: I am TERRIFIED of hot oil! Bacon “kisses” strike fear into my soul. Popping juices from searing meat cause me to recoil in fear. I have been known to wear elbow-length oven mitts while stirring anything containing sizzling fat. With this revelation laid bare, I present my next dish, Vanilla Cake Donuts, with an extra flair of pride.
Let’s be clear: I thought I was signing up for an oven-baked donut. I’m no glutton for punishment! When I saw “cake” donut, I automatically assumed there was no yeast, no frying, none of that complicated (scary) stuff. Had I followed standard kitchen procedure and read the entire recipe before beginning, I would have noticed the clearly stated, “vegetable oil, for deep-frying” right there on the ingredients list. Spoiler alert, I never read the whole recipe… Serves me right then, I suppose. Since I had nothing else planned for breakfast, I pulled out my 12-inch, 82-pound cast iron skillet. (Side note: farm wives of yesteryear never needed to set foot in a pilates class because they had to wield these beasts around the kitchen all day!)
This recipe began to go off the rails almost immediately when I discovered I did not have the titular ingredient. I specifically ordered a bag of vanilla beans for just such occasions, yet after tearing the kitchen apart I could not lay hands on it. I’m sure to find it when I am making beef stroganoff or something equally undeserving of the discovery! Since donut-making is outside my wheelhouse, I didn’t want to mess too much with the liquid/solid ratio, so adding liquid vanilla extract seemed unwise. I do not own vanilla paste, which was Jo’s alternative to scraping fresh bean pods. Frankly I didn’t know such a thing existed and I should probably add that to my Amazon shopping cart right now… In the end I decided to turn this into a “Spiced Cake Donut” recipe, and added cinnamon to the nutmeg already in the mix. 
This part was fun, and easy in fact. Nothing tricky about bringing together the dough, and it has a satisfyingly springy, squishy texture. You have to be careful not to over-knead, because it’s easy to get carried away! Next I got to bust out my oft-neglected biscuit cutters and create a baker’s dozen of perfectly shaped rings. The bonus “holes” were not addressed in the book, but surely Jo does not allow them to go to waste! Now for the moment of truth. “Heat the oil to 360 degrees F on a deep fry thermometer”. Three hundred and sixty degrees. I’m pretty sure that’s average temperature of the surface of the sun. Let that sink in; the boiling point of water is 212 degrees F. Now let’s multiply that by more than 1.5 times, and give it explosive powers! Nothing to fear, right? I kept telling myself that, and got on with the business of transferring the dough to the pan. Pro tip: if you can calmly, gently place the food into the hot oil vs. flinging it from three feet away, your chances of being splashed decreases a hundred-fold!
You’d think the hard part was over now, right? All logic suggests that if it took quite a long time and continual bumps to the temperature dial to heat oil to 360 degrees, adding cold food would cause the temperature to drop. At the very least, you might expect an initial decrease, and then to have to nudge the fire up to compensate. You would be wrong. In my kitchen, the thermodynamic laws of physics are somehow suspended, and my oil temp rose 40 degrees after adding the dough! The two-minute-per-side cooking time suddenly seemed far too long as I struggled to bring the temperatures out of volcano-worthy heights while simultaneously flipping the now-burning rings of death over to the raw side. Ok, so the first batch did not go as planned. They looked very donut-like, but browner than your average tanned-hide purse. I reduced the dial to half of what it took to get it to 360 initially, but never succeeded in lowering it under 380 degrees. I braved the oil twice more to finish another batch of (much paler) donuts and all the holes, and it resulted in passable homemade treats. Jo included a vanilla glaze recipe, but I opted for a maple/coffee frosting I already had from a previous scone recipe, which was a timesaver and tasted great with the spice flavor. For the holes, I just threw them in powdered sugar and rolled them around until it stuck.
In the end, I faced my fear and had something that looked like what I claimed them to be. At least half of them even tasted pretty good. However, the next time I get a hankering for donuts, I’m driving to Dunkin’!
Have Book, Will Cook 